When I feel alone, my heart always feels drawn to the city. It's difficult to disappear here. In a small town, there's so much familiarity.....and especially here, there's so much open space. There's nowhere to lose yourself where I live. There's nowhere to go in the middle of the night when you need some sort of nihilistic activity to keep your mind busy. I love the idea of being around hundreds and thousands of people, yet maintaining some anonymity. There's solace and companionship found in that, and in turn, a strange comfort. To me, the city is a brooding place. You can get on the subway and never, ever stop. You can walk on a bridge and watch thousands of lives and events unfold right in front of you, your presence unbeknown to the players. It's where I wish I was tonight....so that I could be lost and found; so that I might be alone and accompanied.
My heart doesn't feel right here. I wonder what it is that makes a heart feel settled, and whether that thing, that feeling, that person, is, or will ever be, within my grasp.